Big-Nothing.

Our relationships with people are constantly evolving, from nothing, nothing from being oblivious I mean, not knowing. 

To desire, to want, a very special type of want and sometimes to need. Extreme need, for comfort, food or warmth...just need. Then nothing, big-nothing not from oblivion of course but from feeling nothing anymore, no desire, no acknowledgement of their presence or absence, nothing. Just nothing.

Nothing scares me more than "nothing" about human relationships, that friend, that person who meant so much, who made your heart skip, who you thought of first thing at morn slowly becomes nothing. Their presence or absence means nothing anymore and it's neither a cold feeling or a warm one it's just "without-".

 

It's become apparent that there's no remedy for this, it's the way the world works and its inevitable. I however, have decided to stop expecting this, to stop waiting for it and watching for its signs before it arrives. I used to be welcoming of this stage, expectant even and it didn't bother me. Now, I am consciously acting, doing, trying to deter this rot in my interpersonal relationships.

 Instead of accepting that there's nothing I can do about nothing, I try to create memories, moments, emotions in the now that make "nothing" less feasible. That even if eventually we drift apart, I would always be a part of your story, a good part. I just can't be nothing. I refuse to be, especially when I can be more.

I hope that through my conscious efforts, I can have more meaningful relationships and less of "nothings", that I can be a better friend or lover for longer and longer. I hope that I continue to experience less heartbreak and more lasting love. I hope you do too.

Xoxooxxx

#Love, Yenique