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Saturday, 14 July 2018

Fayose's Ekiti

So I took some days off work to attend a family function and see my folks, well turns out it was a wrong time as it was election week in my home state. Trust me there ain't a wronger time to make a trip to Ekiti, the town is usually charged with strong vibes of political violence at this time and it's best to stay away.

I got to the park quite early and our mini van hit the road almost immediately it didn't take long before the driver and fellow passengers started a conversation. It must have started as an innocent discussion until someone brought up the Ekiti guber polls then things got exciting. Initially I was pretending not to listen until a fellow passenger(who I later discovered was a Mopol officer) said "The Buhari administeration is quite efficient, we just can't see it yet" , I legit looked at him as if to say "oga don't angry me" (it's an online joke). I decided to join in the talks and pointed out that 2019 was virtually here and if we can't see anything now we'd probably never see and that excuse alongside the "the previous administeration scattered everything" is stale. Please you can't be giving us these same excuses three years down the line, also considering the new issues arising, killings that could have been curtailed, same old electricity issues despite a huge increase in unit price and above all our deaf President who neither comments on our constant complaints or acts like he hears us rant. I mean dude can fly a chopper to campaign for Fayemi in Ekiti and open a bus station in Lagos but when there was a fire that claimed lives on Otedola bridge due to an avoidable situation the chopper ain't available? This Buhari man clearly does not care or he's plain insensitive and I won't stand by and watch anyone defend him. I got an "amen" from everyone except oga mopol but he had his face bent and that was enough for my ego.

Now after a couple of inputs from other passengers our journey continued on a lighter note and we started analyzing the Ekiti situation. How there's usually tension and the insatiable Ekiti people, they unitedly chase out a sitting governor and barely four years later they are suddenly clamouring for him, we laughed over that and reached an agreement that the people must have issues. Getting into the state we discovered "oga mopol's" benefit as there were over fifteen checkpoints before the state capital and all it took was a nod from him for them to free us. That was super cool by the way.

By the time we got into town and went through our glorious bridge I absolutely went "awwwwwwwwwwwwww", Fayose deserves an accolade for this. The bridge was not done halfway as per Naija goverment style " 20years project", it was completed and nicely so. Roads were clean, more infrastructure and a welcoming look. This could inadvertently bring companies and some other few parastatal into the state. But oga noh pay salary...for nine months. I fit don dey sleep for front of hin office, nine months no pay in a state where most of them work for the government!!! Even doctors, teachers, nurses, how then are they expected to do their jobs well? I wanted to support him because he undoubtedly has upgraded my town but I can't, I have uncles, aunties and a very young and bright doctor cousin he wasn't paying. People I planned to hang on their necks to come and pop bottles for me now can't, na dulling be this ooo. Anyway it seems supporting Fayose was a not going to be possible, but my town looked dope.

I intended to stay for a week but my journey was cut unexpectedly short as there was even more tension after the alleged assault on our dear Governor. Bike men avoided areas close to the state house and movement was with constraint. I headed back, quite sad I didn't have enough fun or gist with mum more. The journey back was long as there was no "oga mopol" and we got stopped at about 10 spots just in Ekiti. The millitary presence in the state is enough to wade off a war. Within a couple of hours we were back on sane ground (ie. Lagos) and I couldn't be more pissed to get home.

Monday, 23 October 2017

Sensibility 101

Late post, I wrote this two weeks ago but something happened and I only get to post today.

Last night as I was on my way to the store to get ONE supply I was constantly reminding myself “Funke you need only one thing from that store, one thing only”. It’s funny that I always do this drill before I enter any store whenever I am paying with my card and I constantly loose the fight except tonight. Now while in there I overheard another customer saying the charge on her ATM surprises her when she gets home as she is totally oblivious she has spent that much. I laughed because this is the total story of my life.


For example I get in there hoping to buy bread for breakfast then I pick shampoo (I still have some), I buy some random essential oil (I would only use it for 4 days judiciously and forget all about it till a pimple appears), I would buy noodles and eggs and soft drinks and kilishi and all other stupid things I know I don’t need but I am just being “card Happy”.

Usually it’s easier to pay with your card at cash points but it gives access to a lot of reckless spending. The simple logic is you know you can’t run out of cash there’s always that other important money for upkeep in your account you are not supposed to spend but then you can spend it. Anyways, I would like to spell out three simple tricks to help you stop this habit. I succeeded twice yesterday and I hope every time I remember I wrote this I can curb my unnecessary spending especially since I am broke.

# Always share your funds between accounts, one with easy access to the credit card and another/others for savings and apportioning purposes. This way when you are going shopping simply forward the right amount you need into the ATM card account you are shopping with. You can start with a little excess of maybe a thousand above your budget till you are stronger at this.

# Make a list of things you need every month, at least the things you remember. Of course I know you might not stick to it judiciously but that is just one step in the right direction. Instead of walking into a groceries store just shopping blindly, your list guides you to the important things and with time you ignore the things non-existent on your list.

# Lastly, the most foolproof way to curb your spending is withdrawing cash enough to get the things you need maybe with just minimal change. Walk into that store strong and determined with only your cash (leave the tempting card at home) and watch your spending reduce drastically.

Well well, that’s all for now. Do have a great week ahead and remember to follow the tips up there.xoxoxxxxxooo





Friday, 28 July 2017


Let me tell you the story of one Yoruba god. It is Obba...the goddess of marriage, domestic things and meekness. She was breathtakingly beautiful the story says, after all she was the daughter of Yemoja. Her husband the valiant king of the Oyo Empire Sango, god of thunder, war fighter, strong and a man after the heart of many a maiden, he was the beginning and end of her. A tale that shows that love existed even in the days when the gods ruled the earth and that rivalry is usually atop a woman’s heart.

Sango the valiant had married Obba, Oshun and Oya but for some reason he desired Oshun more. This of course led to a rivalry and the ever meek Obba lost all ideas on how to keep her beloved husband in her bed or keep her thoughts in his head. In a drastic move she sought the advice of her very rival Oshun the apple of the King god's eye.
She asked in desperation "my fellow wife, please tell me how is it the king is always with you? How do you make him love you so?" Oshun must have smiled in her heart and said her next words sarcastically and out of spite "I cut off my right ear" she said "I put it in a soup and ever since he tasted it, he would want none other". However sarcastic she sounded, the joke was lost on our pretty queen who went ahead and did just that.

Sad day it was for she went ahead and made a soup with her ear for the king and when he saw an human ear floating above the potage he just could not believe his eyes. In a fit of rage which we all know should not be fun from a god of thunder (and lightening) he sent poor Obba away. Obba was devastated beyond words, she lay down somewhere along the road and her sadness overwhelmed her. She literally cried a river for she turned to one, the River Obba that runs through Iwo.
Till this day it can be heard at that spot two rivers still fighting for a man long gone. For Oshun also turned into a river and their waters meet, it is at the point of meeting you can clearly hear clashing and loud arguments (if only you’d listen closely).

PS: this is a personal version of one Yoruba myth. No evidence whatsoever to these stories but who needs that?

Friday, 30 June 2017

Let's talk about the web

What has social media done for or against you?

Personally I have sweet and sour tales from my social media addiction. I think by now everyone that knows me knows how addicted to the internet I am.

Well online I have made sales, learnt about SMEs', I once got a PR job through instagram(that turned out awful), I have been able to express myself through writing. Social media for me has been more of a blessing than a curse.

But then...there are the curses that make me check and double check when I am online. The first annoying thing that happened to me online was the job, tar@#$ put up an advert for an online PR manager and since I loved that I jumped at the offer. We argued about the pay for a while, then reached an agreement on work hours and pay. Babe breached agreement on both levels, I worked till 10pm sometimes, 12am once and I was living at least 2hours away from her studio. She was verbally abusive and damn she ended up not paying me a dime. All my efforts and little money in the bank gone. That b@t%$ had to ask "who diz?" When I called her a few weeks after quitting for my pay. I discovered later that was her tactic, she posts job openings(tantalizing ones), makes you work your ass off and then intentionally irritates you so you can quit. She has done this to several peeps, so now I just shake my head when I come across her posts on IG.

Something else about social media is the addiction, it's like a part of me that I can't cut off. That's totally not cool. I've met a few scammer boys too but I always find out their silliness before any harm is done. Except for this one dude that was all over me, so consistent and loving. Of course I was sceptical but the whole "mushiness" got to me, when I started falling I found out this guy's acclaimed ex is his fiancee. I carry my slippers run, e noh pain me sha cause I was treading softly initially so no damage done, but I kinda felt stupid(I could have been smarter).

Now all my bad experiences online(including writing for popular online magazines and not getting paid or getting your name edited out of the file) are not as much as the sweet ones. Online poetry forums, meeting friends who want nothing except ideas sharing and fun, knowledge, spying and hope are some of the few good things I've come across.

Care to share your social media experience?


Tuesday, 6 June 2017

Superstition(a poem)

The poem itself is just a reflection of how I perceive life. I believe in an innate sixth sense, one that directs us , guides us.

Often I remember those days that my heart seemingly pounded for no apparent reason only to have one exciting or sad thing happen later in the day. My body was aware and it had informed me.

Watch, look, feel...after all we are African.

Listen patiently every morning
All elements are speaking
They tell you to move or stay
The wind blows this way and that
Speaking words only the sharp can understand

The way the sea rolls tell a tale of do or don't
An African mind should know how to forecast it's own "whether"
Seat still and let the pounding of your heart
The first feet you take
The sound of running water
Lead you home.

Monday, 5 June 2017

You are what you post!

You are what you post!


Yes yes we hear you are what you eat, drink, say and so on, I bet though that you have not heard about being what you post. When I say post I mean on social media, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter etc.


By now we all should realize the world is a global village and anyone with a cellphone and as much as your phone number or Instagram id. Or even your nickname can get enough information on you that makes or mar your image.


Sometime back a colleague chatted me up pretty worried because he thought I was going through a heartbreak, I wasn’t, he however thought so because of the very gloomy pictures that I had kept using as my DP(display picture) over a couple of days. In his mind he had created an image (which was fuelled by me) of this heartbroken girl that could not hold it together she had to start posting pictures relating to her situation. Since that incident I became ever watchful of what was on my DP, I didn’t and still don’t want anyone assuming things or situations about me.

More recently with the advent of  the “Facebook memory” feature I got constantly embarrassed by the things Facebook reminded me that I had done, posted, said, liked and friends I have made. Most times I am like “oh come on F$#^& what were you thinking” or “was that me?” and then I mostly thought “people shouldn’t have to see that”. Some posts were good but honestly most posts from 2011 or so were mostly childish, naïve, mostly about love and thoughtless. They absolutely do not define who I am, and I can imagine my present day colleagues, friends, even foes stumble on them, I mean they would look at me in a totally different light albeit a bad one.

Now let’s imagine I had known ever since that I am what I post at least in the eyes of lurkers, employers, friends, love interests and so on I would have been a tad more careful and thoughtful as to the pictures of me and posts I shared online. Imagine someone meeting you in church and he goes to search your name on Google, only to find the raunchiest pictures of you in the image section. You have created an image, an appalling one and in all fairness to you, you aren’t a “hoe”, just a girl who has fun a couple of times and likes to share this information with a few close friends. Well well a “few close friends” is the whole cyber space now and that person who stumbled upon your pictures won’t come asking for any explanations, people just assume.


So I went back to some of my online pages, including this blog and deleted a couple of things (including my articles with the highest views) because I am not best described or represented by those things and I wouldn’t want people creating a wrong impression about me before even getting the opportunity to hear me speak. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying, delete hence deny ever being young and naïve. I am saying, think twice before you post things. Look at your location, what you are wearing or saying, access your intent and the possible outcome, could they be passing the same message?

Posting online is like communicating with people who don’t know you and try being cautious so you don’t misinform them. Don’t go strutting half naked on Snapchat and then get pissed when a follower tells you he has a sugar daddy who likes you. For guys too, don’t pose in a private jet with money as pillow and then get mad when we say you are a “yahoo boy”, dude rich ass corporate guys don’t pose with money biko. If however you are a victim of your once silly past posts, please try going back through your timeline and erase them, you might not get all but enough to salvage your face.


I hope this makes sense?????? Do have a lovely week all xoxoxooxxxooo



Thursday, 9 March 2017

A poem

********Again*********(another poem about a broken heart)

A few months ago
In the season of thundery downpours
My heart lied to me
Yet again

I thought I heard it beat in sync with your heart
I thought it received signals from your heaving chest
Signals of truth and decision and love

And again it slowly stopped beating
You had run a knife through it
Again, it fell apart
Broken, shattered and torn into a thousand pieces

My heart had lied to me again
Leading me one more time on a perilous journey
I feel betrayed by my very own self
To have believed a slitherer so

Again I know my poor heart's hurt
But never beyond redemption
For time heals all.

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

Song Review

Hi ya’all 😘so I’m here again and I feel I should actually begin to cover my face🙈 really, I am taking too many breaks from my sweet passion.

Well, abeg forgive me once again👊. So I am having a problem, an addiction. Jidenna’s new song Bambi👀👀, chai I have literally played this song to death😫. By now I’m sure Jidenna knows he’s some sort of wizard 👹but “dis song be messin wit me real byad”.

Na “youtube” start this craze, I think what interests me is the fact that the concept of the song is deep rooted African (and I am biased #killme😜). First, he’s in love with Bambi who he calls dear(Deer) and then he says he’s caught in a web and his grandfather had seven wives, which I assume means he has to have so many wives or at least another woman apart from Bambi too. Another Jungle like twist is the part he says “it’s my design, to run the jungle I must be a lion(liar) or cheetah(cheater)” well thank God one man agrees it’s their design😝😆. Then he talks about “the woman among the tribe”, the song’s rhythm, the beautiful vixen( and I am biased to pretty gyals too #killme😜), the fact that Jidenna had a mock/mild scruffled look somewhere in the video(gosh so classic man can sweat?😏😏)
and the crazy pun in the lyrics gat me hooked.

Here’s a link to watch the song on Youtube or download audio( hope that’s legal sha)

Ok, Naija songs that rock me this week are:

#eko Miami-Maleek Berry
#oh baby-Olamide
#Pass the agbara-Skuki

I would do a review of Ed Sheeran’s top charting songs next…watch this space..,muaaah

Thursday, 29 December 2016

Simple Rants(ii)

It's about to be a bright morning according to my phone's weather forecast which can be quite unreliable at times, and I was thinking of how "un-bright" we all seem to think 2016 was.

I for one definitely agree it was a very harsh financial year, with almost zero investments/savings and plenty plenty spending, but I am damn grateful. God kept us through it all, it was pretty tough but somehow we pulled through.

This year was sort of a year of deaths in the entertainment industry, especially towards the end, George Michael, Prince etc... but we are fine and I think we ought to be a bit grateful.

Yes, we can't wait for 2017 already, let it just "shimmy" in "abeg". I have some tips though to ace this coming year like a boss:

* Delete meaningless relationships/friendships and even family ties that seem to strangle you should be let loose.
*Make smart financial decisions-no ponzi schemes please. Don't bother with the headache and heart attacks attached to the numerous ponzi schemes coming up allegedly to help alleviate our poverty. It's a game called "Last-to-do-is-the-maga". Ponzi schemes are built like pyramids and at a point they get to their limit and no one
* Make yourself happy no matter what the year throws at you. This is the most important point though.
Enjoy yourself folks and happy new year in advance!!!!


Saturday, 24 December 2016

Simple rants (i)

So tonight I'm having the perfect excuse to rant, not rant more like talk about some other part of me I enjoy so much. My love for music, all genre, country, soul, funk, juju on dat beat errthing errthing. Sometimes I hear a song play by and I so desperately want to hear it again I find myself typing keywords from the lyrics into google search bar until I find just what I want and my face is priceless at that point.

Tonight I found Emilia's "Big Big World" and I was beyond elated, her semi-crying voice(same thing Adele does to get me all the time) and sweet innocence gets me irked, I mean how can one song be so perfect?

Here's a link to download the song directly...beautiful you'd see.

There are some other songs that have given me the jitters every night recently:

# Heathens by Twenty One Pilots
#Hallelujah by Pentatonix
#Kenny Rogers' The Gambler
#Ric Hassani's Gentleman
and yes please my one time and all time love that is my current ringtone Side To Side by Ariana Grande.

PS: I listen to a lot of music, these are the ones on repeat the past few night.

Love you guys and I hope I get to be here more

Saturday, 22 October 2016


How many of your phone conversations go like this...

Caller: Where did you drop your phone, I've been calling all day, habba?
You: I'm so sorry, I even had like 5 missed calls, I didn't hear it ring.

Yea a lot shey?...well well here are a few tips to make your ring-tone "unignorable/unmissable" (don't bother trying to correct my grammar).

#1_ as much as you like that Enya/Celine Dion/Sade Adu's track, it's not ringtone worthy. It's for earpiece rocking and your personal pleasure. You need songs like Tekno's Pana or any random lil_kesh or Olamide's music as your ringtone to blast you into awareness.

#2_ put on your phone's vibration. That grrrrzzzzz can actually be felt across counter tops, your bed, pocket, bag. This is especially for those crowded market or party calls.

#3_ choose a music track that starts on a high note...not those that start on a slow tempo then increase as the song goes on. Choose strong beats that start right at the start.

#4_ it has to be a song you know, don't go and choose something that would be ringing near you and your mind does not recognize.

#5_ remember you have a phone. Don't be like those people that only remember their phones at bedtime.

My favourite music tracks for ringtones are: FUN's Some Nights, Tekno's Pana or Where, Ariana Grande ft Nicki Minaj Side to Side, any CDQ/Olamide/Lil kesh/Ycee songs...actually most Naija music.

1love peeps...I hope I made sense. Don't give up on Yenique9ja abeg, we are still here.

Check me out on instagram and facebook for more random musings

Saturday, 20 August 2016

Should we let love judge us, choose for us, change us or even chain us.
Several people think they ought to change their thinking, actions, characters to suite their lovers'. I am not saying you don't bend, but how much?
I think changing or losing your friends because of a relationship is the greatest mishap. If he/she has misgivings about your friends, sit and talk about it. You can create a middle ground (e.g keeping a little distance if you understand your partners fears or bringing him/her and your friends a little closer so he/she can get to know them more)
Let your partner understand and appreciate your individuality. You were someone prior to meeting him/her and that person still needs to breathe.
‪#‎love‬ ‪#‎relationshipadvice‬ ‪#‎realtalk‬ ‪#‎loveadvice‬ ‪#‎breathe‬ ‪#‎friendship‬ #100%

Tuesday, 9 August 2016

Go and marry

You sit down with mummy for barely an hour, gisting happily, occasionally smiling into your phone and next thing you hear is "when am I meeting your husband sef?". As in I enter defence mode straight up, I'm like "don't start na".
I just unleashed the preacher/counsellor in my mom...she doesn't only start the questions and lecture last as Cele church on Sunday.😢. I tire.

All the dudes out there are still out playing na😒 where I wan see boyfriend (considering na husband she ask ooooo). Anyways the point are the one that matters. Don't ever rush into any relationship cause of pressure from peers, parents or @bellanaija☺. Take your time to study and know your spouse very well. So you won't end up having plenty marital issues.

L👀👀k well before you leap.


#love #relationshipadvice #truelove #bellanaija #africanmum #african #africanparents

Saturday, 9 April 2016


Dear Banker Marketer,

I see you wake up at 4'30, do you not miss your bed?
Is that tie not too tight?
The suit, Italian eh, the sun,consider it
You shall not be in the office but two hours
then into saka, odeku.The sun
Consider it.

Your pants are too tight...wouldn't it rip
Your hop from keke to bike
Wouldn't it rip

Is this who you are?
Or is there someone else inside?
Did you always dream of ties, excel sheets and targets?
Tell me.

Flee broad street and live your life again.
It's simple you know.

Consider it.

Friday, 25 March 2016



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